Sex - It's Not For Everyone!

So I was driving to work today and there was a radio ad for "Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder" also called HSDD. In short it was about a "condition" where women are not as interested in sex. Well, I couldn't leave that alone, so here is the description from www.hsddonline.com:

"HSDD is the acronym for Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder, an affliction which affects millions of women around the globe. HSDD is characterized as a lack (or absence) of sexual fantasies and desire for sexual activity, which lasts for some period of time." Now in an attempt to avoid getting their ass handed to them in an argument, these geniuses have "defined" three types of HSDD:

1) Lifelong or Generalized - the patient has little or no desire for sexual stimulation and never has.

2) Acquired/Situational - the patient was previously sexually interested in present partner, but now lacks sexual interest in them, but still has desire for sexual stimulation (i.e. alone or with someone other than present partner).

3) Acquired/Generalized - the patient previously had sexual interest in present partner, but now lacks interest in sexual activity - either partnered or solitary.

Ok, I'll try to contain myself and not just call the people that created HSDD morons - I said I'll try I didn't say I'd be successful. So, maybe I can give them the "lifelong/generalized" one, but only if the person is concerned about it. Really I'm sure there have been a sufficient number of people who have made it through life without an interest in sex. I'm fairly certain the scientists who created this term were clicking back and forth between their study results and google results for porn, so I take this category with a grain of salt.

However, the last two categories were simply hilarious. Let's see, lacks sexual interest in their current partner, but is interested in sexual activity either alone or with someone else. Sorry, I started laughing again. Really? This isn't spelled "H-S-D-D", it's spelled "D-I-V-O-R-C-E". Let's be honest, if you want to have sex with everyone else except your partner, ummm that seems more like an interpersonal relationship issue (i.e. you don't like them). The cure has been around for centuries, it's called "alcohol". Let's not pretent that the fact you don't like your partner anymore is some how a disease.

Now the big category - she was interested in sex, but now isn't. According to the initial description this affects millions of women and can last for a period of time. Hmmm, let me see if I have this right. Millions of women across the planet are interested in sex and having sex, then BAM! they aren't interested in sex for an extended period of time, but that interest may ultimately come back. Oh, Oh, Oh, I've heard of this! Wait it'll come to me. That's right, it's called motherhood! Now, don't get me wrong, I'm 1,000% behind any effort to covert all of our spouses into monogamous nymphos, but I also think this route screams of rigging by the evaluators, who are likely 25 year old graduate students who have never had a relationship longer than 6 months, supervised by their middle aged professor, who believes he's been turned down by every woman for the past 40 years because they are either gay or have a disorder (and it has nothing to do with the fact he attends Comic-Con annually, plays with original Star Wars figurines in bubble bathes and the last "romantic" evening he attempted involved him wearing Greatest American Hero underoos).

Enough fun at the expense of our social scientist friends who studied this "problem". I'm sure there is a large category of women (and I assume men) who truly have a low desire and WANT to increase it (which seems to be a key component missing from their definition). So here is an article that actually seems to be focused on biology, the things women do to their bodies (i.e. birth control) and issues for pre and post 40 years old. Hopefully people who do have a problem can get the help they need and want, but avoid the snake skin oil salesmen of the internet age.

Is Facebook Good or Bad for Relationships?

I've seen a number of articles about the impact of Facebook on relationships (i.e. http://hubpages.com/hub/why-Facebook-is-bad-for-relationships ) and a number of articles that talk about ending relationships on Facebook, but I have not seen any that talk about how Facebook can be GOOD for relationships. No, not in terms of meeting someone or developing a relationship "online" - I mean how Facebook can benefit an already existing relationship. How is this possible you ask? I don't have any formal studies, nor do I plan on looking for them. Instead I have my own relationship, which to be honest is the only one I really care about - sorry everyone (ok, maybe there are a few couple's relationships I would care about). I know, I know, stop yapping and get to the point: Communication - if your relationship is as busy as ours is, there is little time to interact much anymore. Relationships generally start with being able to talk to each other constantly, doing things together constantly - all very good things. What happens when you have jobs, volunteer positions, kids, social commitments - all of which keep you running around at full speed. For example, a typical day may see myself and Micauley heading out the door first thing in the morning, Tiffany getting the last few minutes of sleep before she has to get up with the others. Once we are up and out, meetings, court, school trips/classes, piano, soccer, basketball, band - all are relatively frequent activities throughout the week. By the time we start to get home it's dinner, homework and bed. To estimate that Tiffany and I don't really get to talk to each other about something other than kids or home stuff before 9:00 p.m. would be a conservative estimate - many times not until 9:30 or 10:00 p.m. Realistically by 11:00 p.m. one of us is asleep (or asleep pretending to be awake on the sofa). So with 1 to 2 hours available, very little time is spent having the same conversations we did when we were younger. Facebook, while in a very limited sense, has given some of that back. A picture here and there, random status comments, and even Flair once in a great while - all add some in sight that you just don't think of at 10:00 p.m., as it allows one person to put it on there and the other person can look at it when they have the time. Certainly not a replacement for good old fashioned communication, which you must ensure exists, but it's a good addition to fill those gaps when life seems to take over every waking moment. Grass Is Greener - I like this one because it's my experience people are more open on Facebook, when they don't have to actually see the people (or they forget all the people they added as friends) than they would be in an actual conversation. For example I've seen people make snotty comments on Facebook that I know for 100% certain they would never say to someone, but because it's Facebook they have some sense that it's different or doesn't affect the person the same way. Plus, because people put things on Facebook on a more consistent basis, you get to see their reactions and thoughts over months or even years (if you stay on that long) rather than during a 10 minute conversation. So over a span of time you probably get an accurate view of people. How does this help your relationship? I think some relationships can suffer from "the other side of the fence is greener" thought process if people aren't being realistic. For example, if you go to a party and see someone only a few times and let's say they wear a very attractive outfit and are a ton of fun, I think people mistakenly convince themselves that the other person is always like this. So, have an argument with your spouse or get overwhelmed by raising children, and you think, "wow, I bet if I were with so and so this wouldn't happen." Right, because I'm sure even if you guys were cleaning toilets together she would wear a pink teddy and high heels; or if you were with this other guy he would live for Sunday where he could turn off football, you could read a book and he'd rub your feet. But this is the crap people convince themselves of, but I think Facebook allows you to see that everyone is just like you and just like your spouse. Truth be told, we're all screwed up. Life is not meant to be boxes of chocolates and flowers or lingerie and back rubs every day. I think seeing that everyone's life is "normal" let's people appreciate their own life more. Yes, there are negatives - jealous moments when ex's pop up or the drama that can be sparked from an off hand comment - all things that wouldn't exist otherwise without Facebook. Hopefully the positives outweigh the negatives - and by that I mean hopefully my wife gets enough enjoyment out of the stupid stuff I put up and do on Facebook that she overlooks my clear waste of time (i.e. Mafia Wars or maybe even this post...)

Giraffe Test

How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll down.

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2 . How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?

Wrong Answer.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals Attend .... Except one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer : The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and

You do not have a boat. How do you manage it?

Correct Answer:? You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

Don't Insult My Intelligence

This was originally published November 11, 2006 in someone else's blog:

I don't know why airlines don't already have parachutes as a safety precaution. The safety plan they have in place now is corny and an insult to my intelligence. Have you ever bothered to read the airline safety brochure? Or as I call it, 'Mad Magazine' because it's just as funny. They truly think these pictures are helping you…

Like this Oxygen mask picture. This one is pretty standard issue, it instructs you to put your mask on first before assisting the child.

Personally I think that if the cabin depressurizes, kids shouldn't get oxygen. The lack of oxygen will quiet their cries.

If the plane is going down, the least I should be able to do is enjoy my pending death in silence and meditation. Can't even die in peace and quiet while praying to God…damn kids.

Speaking of kids, this diagram shows you how to use your seat cushion as a floatation device in the "unlikely event of a water landing" .

First of all, what the hell is a "Water landing" it's not a "water landing". It's calledCRASHING INTO THE F------G OCEAN !!! But they can't say that over the P-A because old people would freak out.

Don't talk down to me. And don't insult my intelligence. Don't show me a picture of a lady floating in the ocean on a seat cushion SMILING!! Look closely at this chick's face, she might not be smiling but she doesn't appear to be having a bad time in the ocean fully clothed with sharks swimming around. Does she look tormented and stressed out? Her hair's not even messed up.

Where are the other people in the water? Where's the blood? Where's the dead bodies? Where's the plane debris? According to this picture a "water landing" is fun and groovy. In fact it's so much fun that you'll want to bring your infant with you.

And for the record, If ever I'm in a water landing, I'm not using my seat cushion as a floatation device. Chances are I shit my pants during the crash. Why would I use that cushion? I shouldn't have to smell my own turds while waiting in the ocean for the Coast Guard.

Now, that we've decided that a water landing is fun….how do we get out of the plane to enjoy the waves? This diagram covers that….

This diagram shows you all of the exits on the plane. One shows the plane one the ground the other shows the plane over the water. Notice anything funny about both of these pics?…The plane is PERFECTLY intact.

And let's not forget that the pic of the plane landing on water the plane if floating. When's the lasttime you saw an airplane crash over water and float perfectly? Don't insult my intelligence Delta.

When was the last time you saw a plane crash on CNN and the plane was PERFECT and FLOATING? Lets review a few plane crash pics over land and water and compare them to our diagram, tell me if any of these plane crashes resemble our diagram.

An NO I'm not helping anyone get off the plane once I get off. Every time I sit in an exit row the flight attendant comes over and tries to deputize me into helping people. Hey lady, I'm not getting paid to be on this plane, you are. Look at these pic of these two exit row turds as they spring to their feet like superheroes to help everyone off the wing of the plan and down the slide.

I paid $92 to ride this plane one-way from Birmingham to Tampa. I'm not risking getting burned up for another coach class turd. The best anyone will get from me for $92 is

"FOLLOW ME YOU BROKE MOTHERF-----RS!!!! WE JUST CRASHED!!"

That's it. I'm not even saying it twice. I'm not helping. What are you going to do to me if I don't help other passengers? Ban me from Delta? That's fine with me, I wasn't planning to fly Delta again considering that we JUST CRASHED INTO THE F------G OCEAN !!!!.

Now that we're on the ground and we know where to get out… we need to know HOW to get out. Thankfully this pic covers it.

The top pic tells you that if the exits is blocked by water then don't open the door. HUH?

Just two pages ago you told me that water landings were fun and groovy and now I can't open the damn door to enjoy myself?

The second panel in this pic is hilarious. "If blocked by fire do not exit" Who is this idiot? Who is the idiot who opens the door while flames are burning his face? If the person in front of you opens the door to look out into burning flames, push that person into the flames and close the door.

Look closely at the last panel…"No Smoking".

Huh?

Sometimes I wish I was a smoker just so I could piss off some of these Neo-Nazi non-smokers. You don't want people smoking next to you in Applebee's or a Comedy Club fine but We just crashed into the middle of the ocean, an idiot just opened a door and stuck his head into an open flame, I shit my pants, the plane's not floating, sharks are picking off floating passengers like it's a salad bar and you're going to sit next to me and tell me that 2^nd hand smoke is what you're worried about right now?

SCREW YOU !!!! This plane just crashed, I NEED a cigarette.

I don't smoke but if I survived a crash that looks anything like those pictures above, there's two things I'd be doing a lot more of…praying and marijuana. Personally I think marijuana smoke should be pumped through the oxygen masks to help calm the passengers. Maybe then I'd be open to the idea of the kids getting an oxygen mask.

There's more panels that I could scan and make fun of but I think I've made my point, airline passengers should get parachutes.

"Um mam, can you just push me out the plane here, my house is coming up….Oh no, mam, he's coming with me too, I never jump without a white man."

"It's just my thoughts. Right or wrong, just what I was feeling at the time"- jay-Z

Wood, Jr.

http://www.roywoodjr.com/two_pennies/two_pennies54.htm

It's The End Of The World As We Know It... and I feel fine

I love end of the world stories. Currently the most entertaining is 2012 - "our earliest civilization warned us..." LOL - yeah, they also thought the world was flat, that the spirits controlled whether crops grew and would blood-let to celebrate a new king being born.

Isn't it remotely possible that when only 2% of your population lives to the age of 40 that you just decide going out over 5,000 years was enough "place-holders" for your current calendar needs? I mean they probably assumed that thousands of years later, when we are faced with two possibilities: 1) add another number or 2) the world is ending, that we would just go with add another number.

The people who insist that December 21, 2012 is the end of the world because that's when the Mayans stopped counting (and there are those people out there) must also be the people who don't know to turn the page over without an arrow and note that says "more on back".

People of Walmart

Is it just me, or do mullets look 10x better with camo? These two are like the Mario and Luigi of Walmart.

Texas and California

I don't know what to say. I've received a few of these emails where they post pictures of people in Walmart. They are hilarious, but whoever is running this site is a genius. Not only for coming up with the idea, but the comments he adds make me laugh hysterically. (Click on the picture above to go to the website)

Women

I'm sure if I don't shut up and just put up the link I'll get yelled at for something I say. Though before I leave the wrong impression I'll just say she's very pretty. (Though not as beautiful as my wife)

Now, click the picture and read about it.

Ok - technical difficulties - here's the link:

http://www.glamour.com/health-fitness/blogs/vitamin-g/2009/08/on-the-cl-the-picture-you-cant.html